Lyrics if Ever You Are Here Again
Love songs are where we get our passion, our soul — and most of our worst ideas.
Goose egg good can come up of this. Photo by Achim Voss/Flickr.
Throughout human history, oceans take been crossed, mountains have been scaled, and bang-up families accept blossomed — all because of a few simple chords and a melody that inflamed a center and propelled it on a noble, romantic mission.
On the other hand, that time you told that girl you just started seeing that you would "catch a grenade" for her? You did that considering of a love song. And it wasn't exactly a coincidence that she suddenly decided to "lose your number" and motion back to Milwaukee to "effigy some stuff out."
"Information technology'southward only, my mom. Y'all know? And L.A. is so hot in the summer. And yeah, my mom." Photograph via iStock.
That time you held that boom box over your head outside your ex'southward house? You did that because of a dear vocal. And 50 hours of community service later, you're nevertheless non dorsum together.
Dearest songs are great. They brand our hearts beat faster. They inspire us to take risks and put our feelings on the line. And they requite the states terrible, terrible ideas near how actual, real-life human relationships should piece of work.
They're amazing. So amazing. And likewise terrible.
Here are six love songs that sound romantic just aren't, and 1 song that doesn't sound romantic but totally is:
i. "God Merely Knows," by The Beach Boys
Yous can keep your "Surfin' Safaris," your "I Get Arounds," and your "Help me Rhondas."
When it comes to The Beach Boys, "God Only Knows" is where it'southward at. A lush garden of soft horns and breezy melody. A tie-dye swirl of sound. A landscape of haunted innocence with some of the most heartrending lyrics ever committed to the back of a surfboard.
Youth! Youth! Youth! Photograph by Hulton Archive/Getty Images.
Here's why it sounds romantic:
I may not always love yous
But long as at that place are stars above you
You never need to incertitude it
I'll brand y'all so sure well-nigh it
God simply knows what I'd be without you
If you're traipsing through a meadow in a sundress with your dearest and not playing "God Only Knows" on your iPod, you should really stop and start over.
If you're lazily bumping a beach brawl over a volleyball net and "God Simply Knows" isn't playing somewhere in the back of your mind, yous need to rethink the choices that got you lot to this point.
If you're a video editor compiling footage of grainy hippies frolicking in the mud and you're non underscoring it with the opening chords of "God Only Knows," you are doing information technology wrong.
Hippies, likely on their way to a mud frolic. Photograph by Colin Davey/Getty Images.
It'south a vocal that just feels similar love. Pure honey. Young love. Honey with a chill, kelp-y vibe.
What could exist wrong with that?
Here'southward why it's actually really, actually unromantic:
There'due south zero wrong with loving someone. Sending them flowers. Leaving over-the-meridian notes in their P.O. boxes. Stroking their hair as they autumn asleep while you whisper the complete works of Nicholas Sparks into their ear.
"Miles Ryan stood on the back porch of his house, smoking a cigarette..." Photograph past hatchettebookgroup.biz.
But in that location is such a thing as loving someone a skosh as well much.
If you should ever go out me
Though life would however become on believe me
The world could show nothing to me
And so what good would living do me?
Look, I get it. Breakups suck. At that place's no getting around that. Just good God.
At that place'southward a huge deviation between proverb: "Hey babe, you are my first and foremost everything and I'll be bummed if you go." And saying: "Welp, you lot accustomed that task in Seattle, so I'm just gonna chug a bunch of nightshade and call it a life."
But that's pretty much the gist hither. Which makes this line...
God only knows what I'd be without yous
...horror-moving-picture show creepy. Because the respond, plainly, is: "I'd exist a corpse!"
Ah well. We had a expert run. Photo via iStock.
That'southward not love. That'southward codependency (to put it mildly). Oh, and hey! Threatening to kill yourself if your partner leaves isn't loving. It's a form of emotional corruption.
Investing all your happiness and sense of self-worth in whatsoever relationship — 1 that, by definition, might ane twenty-four hour period end — is putting a lot of eggs in one basket. Sure, God may only know what yous'd be without her, but God probably also hopes you lot accept, I don't know, some hobbies. Take a yoga class. Google some woodworking videos. Endeavor kite surfing.
"Yeah! Hell yep! What was her name again?" Photo past Jim Semlor/Federal Highway Assistants.
One person cannot be anyone's exist-all and end-all. It's too stressful. And it prevents yous from doing y'all, which is a thing that's gotta exist washed earlier you lot can practise anything else.
No wonder she took that job in Seattle.
2. "Treasure," by Bruno Mars
Certain, it'due south a blatant rip off of every Michael Jackson song yous've ever heard. Merely, we don't have Michael Jackson anymore, and as tribute acts go, you could do a lot worse than Bruno Mars.
Expect at that face. That face up! Photo past Brothers Le/Flickr.
Here's why the song sounds romantic:
Treasure, that is what y'all are
Beloved, you're my golden star
Yous know you lot can make my wish come true
If yous allow me treasure you
If yous let me treasure you
Pass those lyrics to anyone on a used napkin at an eighth-grade brand-out political party and you'll likely get an instant cost laissez passer on the highway to natural language-boondocks (ew).
Pass them to your spouse and, chances are, appointment night is going to culminate in 47 minutes of chaste-yet-passionate frenching.
Laissez passer them to a cop who pulls you lot over for running a end sign, and they will think you're weird — but probably however brand out with you.
In fact, Bruno Mars basically has a lifetime pass to brand out with America because of this song.
This is what happens when you lot write "Treasure" and you're on stage with Michelle Obama. Photo by Mandel Ngan/Getty Images.
And I'm OK with that.
Merely, here'due south why "Treasure" isn't as romantic as it seems:
Everything about "Treasure" is retro. Everything.
Including its attitudes about gender.
"Children, have I ever told you what I shouted at your female parent on the street the showtime time we met?" Photo by Jacobsen/Getty Images.
Things kickoff to get south right from the very showtime:
Give me your, give me your, give me your attention, baby
I gotta tell you a petty something near yourself
Ah yes. Nothing screams "respect" quite similar a homo lecturing a strange woman on the street near something she "doesn't know nearly herself."
What could it be? Could it exist that her jokes are funny? Could information technology be that she's got something in her teeth? Could it be that her nonfiction volume almost early modern High german history is extremely detailed and informative?
"Thanks for didactics me all about Martin Luther's bible!" Photo by Torsten Schleese/Wikimedia Commons.
Spoiler Alert: Information technology's none of those.
You're wonderful, flawless, ooh, you're a sexy lady
But you lot walk around hither like you wanna be someone else
Oh. It's that she'southward sexy. Cool, bro. Very original.
Discussion of advice? Regardless of how she's walking, the lady knows she's sexy. Even if she doesn't, it really doesn't affect her day-to-twenty-four hours so much that you lot, a consummate stranger, need to shout information technology at her (even over a funky disco snare).
And then what if she does desire to exist someone else? I'd beloved to be someone else! I recollect being Ryan Gosling would be quite prissy. A good manner to spend a iii-day weekend.
Certain, there'd be an adjustment period... Photograph by Eamonn Chiliad. McCormack/Getty Images.
And then later, of form, the narrator tin can't assist himself:
Pretty girl, pretty girl, pretty girl, you should be grinning
A girl like you lot should never wait so blue.
He respects her so much, he's actually direct-up telling her to smile! Much like Mars' character "Uptown Funk," who appears to get off on angrily exhorting girls to "hit [their] hallelujah." Which, you lot know, I guess everybody's got a thing.
Yes, in the globe of "Treasure," a healthy relationship is an unending stream of a man complimenting a strange woman and said woman existence so totally flattered that she immediately dispenses "the sex."
He and then gain to talk to his potential lover similar the world'south creepiest pirate:
Yous are my treasure, you are my treasure
You are my treasure, yes, you, you, you, y'all are
You are my treasure, you lot are my treasure
You are my treasure, yeah, you, you lot, you, you are
By this signal, in his mind, she's a literal thing. An object. Which is fitting.
I suppose it could be worse, though. At to the lowest degree she's not merely whatever matter.
GIF from "The 2 Towers."
That's ... something, right?
3. "Don't Think Twice, It'due south All Right," by Bob Dylan
For as long as humans accept been dating each other, humans have been breaking upwardly with each other. And "Don't Call back Twice" is a portrait of a relationship going down in flames. Glorious, poetic, acoustic flames.
Bob Dylan, a guy who is good at writing songs that a lot of people like. Photograph past William Lovelace/Getty Images.
Hither's why it sounds romantic:
Well, it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
Fifty-fifty you don't know by now
And it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
Information technology'll never practice somehow
When your rooster crows at the intermission of dawn
Wait out your window, and I'll exist gone
You're the reason I'thou a-traveling on
Merely don't call up twice, it'due south all right.
Boom. Strummed on out of that friends-with-benefits situation like whoa.
"Don't Call back Twice" is a raw song. An honest song. A powerful song. Information technology's the song your older sis played on continuous loop for half dozen months subsequently her boyfriend left for higher. The song that convinced your Aunt Roslyn to leave her bank-teller task, load her four Australian shepherds into the van, and open a wind chinkle store in Mendocino. The song your friend's cool dad always wants to play when he invited your loftier school band over to his flat to jam.
"What timbre are you looking for?" Photo by Sharon Ang/Pixabay.
Certain, information technology's nearly the end of a relationship, but it sounds romantic. And at the end of the day, shouldn't that be enough?
Hither's why information technology's really sooooo messed up:
Relationships end. For a lot of reasons. And while there is no right mode to call it quits with someone, when the dust settles, both parties can certainly do good from a difficult, honest discussion about what went incorrect.
It's not me, Joan. It's you. 100% you. Photograph by Rowland Scherman/Getty Images.
In "Don't Think Twice," that discussion basically boils downwardly to: "It'southward your fault."
Allow's review the reasons the dude in "Don't Remember Twice" is splitting with his lady friend:
I gave her my eye, but she wanted my soul
Ugh, women, right? You're all like, "Babe, I simply accept so much unspecified love to give," and she's similar, "Take out the trash!" And you lot're similar, "But baaaaaaabe, shouldn't my heart be enough?" And she's like, "No, seriously. I already did the laundry, cleaned the whole house, fed the dog, did the dishes, and made both of our lunches for the week. All I demand you to do is take out the trash." And you lot're like, "You're aimless me out. I'thousand gonna get play guitar." And so she gets all mad! What did you do? Why is she trying to change you? UGH!
You could have done amend, just I don't listen
Yes. Y'all do heed! Y'all mind! You wrote a song most it, you passive-aggressive prick.
You lot only kinda wasted my precious fourth dimension
Ah aye. Your time is then precious! Think about all the hours y'all wasted plumbing the bounding main-deep, ecstatic mysteries of human being partnership when you could have been futzing around with that home-brew kit.
Yes, this was worth it. Photo by Nib Bradford/Flickr.
The minute yous start breaking it downward, the message of "Don't Think Twice" suddenly starts to seem a lot less romantic. Like your sis'southward ex-boyfriend, who worked at the Bass Pro Shop in boondocks for a while and at present might be in jail. Like your aunt's air current chime store, which would have closed forever ago had she not received that inheritance from her mom in the '80s. Like your friend's cool dad, who wasn't exactly, technically, paying child support.
"You lot kids want a beer? No 1's nether 13, right?" Photo via iStock.
Oh yeah, and the song'south narrator also point-bare refers woman he's leaving as:
A child, I'g told
That's correct. In addition to existence a run-of-the-mill passive-aggressive wiggle — turns out, he's also perchance a pedophile.
Even if we are to accept that this is a metaphor and she'southward non actually a child — which there's no indication it is, merely OK, Bob Dylan — the fact that Commitmentphobe Gunderson hither would willingly choose an immature partner reflects way more poorly on him than information technology does on her.
Breaking up with anyone in such a brutal, dismissive way is a recipe for sticking them with years of therapy bills.
Which, I suppose, may exist the point.
4. "Leaving on a Jet Plane," by John Denver
Who has two thumbs and wrote a bittersweet folk song about hurtling through the stratosphere in a behemothic aluminum tube at 600 miles per hour?
This guy. Photo by Hughes Goggle box Network/Wikimedia Commons.
Hither's why it sounds romantic:
"Leaving on a Jet Airplane" is a lovely song. And impressive in its loveliness considering jet planes were still kind of new at the fourth dimension it was written.
'Crusade I'm leavin' on a jet airplane
To a modern ear, this would be sort of like singing, "I'g a scoooting abroad on my hoverboooooard," just in a style that's somehow still folksy and heartbreaking and singable by 9-year-olds at summer camp. Not easy to do!
Oh babe, I hate to go
You see — he hates to go! He simply hates it! We know this, because he tells us he hates it. And why would he hate to become if he didn't love his partner just that much?
Come across ya! Photo by Altair78/Wikimedia Eatables.
Why indeed?
Here's why it's actually non that romantic at all:
All the plaintive guitar, loping bass line, and twangy, melancholy warbling in the world tin can only distract so much from the fact that the song's chief graphic symbol is well, kind of a jerkweed.
And in reality — surprise surprise! — it doesn't actually seem like he hates being away all that much:
In that location'southward so many times I've allow you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing
"Babe, I promise! All the movies I watched alone while yous were domicile nursing the quadruplets. All the times I drained our life savings on Zoo Zillionaire. All the random sex I had with other women. Totally meaningless. Certainly fun to do! Really fun. Similar, I had a fantastic time. But rest assured — completely empty, in an ontological sense."
"As empty as this bed I merely finished having sex activity with someone else in." Photo via iStock.
Yes, when y'all break information technology down, "Leaving on a Jet Aeroplane," is less of a passionate tribute to dear overcoming altitude and more than the deluded ramblings of a guy who needs to convince himself he'southward "good" despite all prove to the contrary.
And for all he claims to be broken up about having to part from his one and but, the dude seems pretty excited nigh the flying. Oh, you're leaving on a jet plane, are y'all? Are y'all Zone 1? Gonna humblebrag on Twitter about the "terrible" Cibo express salad yous were forced to asphyxiate down every bit you sat waiting to commence on your fun, mysterious take chances?
"Life and then hard @ LGA #missingmybabe." Photo past Gesalbte/Wikimedia Commons.
He continues:
Ev'ry place I go, I'll retrieve of yous
Ev'ry song I sing, I'll sing for you
Ah cool. He'll think about her while strumming and making "my love is delicate every bit the morning dew" eyes at a waif-y grad pupil in the front row. That pretty much makes up for it all.
Then he demands:
So buss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Afterward all the betrayal and heartbreak, later on basically revealing himself to be a grade-A sleaze who tin can't exist trusted, he nonetheless has the gall to tell her to await? To wait for him?
And here'south the kicker:
When I come dorsum, I'll bring your wedding ring
Ah yeah. He'll put a ring on it. Finally.
"Ehhhhhhh...." Photograph via iStock.
Unlike all the previous trips, where he'south cheated a billion times, drained the family unit bank business relationship, and only been a full general screwup and disappointment.
But yeah. This fourth dimension he says he'll bring back a hymeneals ring.
I hope she joins a polyamorous octad and never looks back.
v. "When a Homo Loves a Woman," Percy Sledge
When you lot wait up "soul" in the dictionary, the book plays you a recording of this vocal.
Percy Sledge, having a few thoughts. Photograph by Gene Pugh/Flickr.
Specifically, information technology plays you the very showtime line.
Here's why it audio very romantic:
When a man loves a woman
Sure, yous can write the lyrics down, but it doesn't even come close to capturing the heartache. The yearning. The delicious, succulent pain-belting:
WHEN A MAN LOVES A WOMAN
Closer ... but still no.
WHEN A MAAAAAAAN. LOVES A WOOOMAN!
Yes! Sing it, Percy Sledge!
It's an elemental lyric.
It'south a center-shattering lyric.
It'southward a lyric that demands you lot put your back into it.
Information technology'due south perfection.
As long as you don't keep listening.
Hither's why the song is actually pretty horrifying:
From the opening lines of "When a Man Loves a Adult female," we know that, at least on occasion, a man loves a woman.
Which raises the question: What happens when said man loves said woman?
He'd give upward all his comforts
And sleep out in the rain
If she said that'southward the way
It ought to exist.
Whoa! OK. No. Back up. A human being, no matter how devoted, no matter how selfless, no matter how in love, needs shelter. Otherwise, a man will die of exposure and hypothermia.
Turn his back on his best friend if he put her downwardly.
No! Jeez. No. A man can't put up with that kind of isolating beliefs. A homo needs friends! Once a man's whole support system erodes out from under him, a man will be bitter, ungrounded, and alone. And a homo's mental wellness will deteriorate.
I gave you everything I have
Tryin' to hold on to your heartless love
Baby, delight don't treat me bad.
This is non what happens "when a man loves a woman." It's what happens when a homo loves a decision-making, manipulative adult female. An abusive woman. A woman who, in truth, merely loves a woman. Herself.
"It's Chris or me." Photo past geralt/Pixabay.
And that's non healthy.
Run, Percy Sledge, run! We're here for you lot.
(Side annotation: Lest it become unsaid, there is manner more one style for a man to love a adult female. Perhaps they spend every waking moment cuddling and bopping each other on the nose. Possibly they sleep in carve up bedrooms. Perhaps they dress up in large, plush cat costumes and refer to each other Mr. and Mrs. Kittyhawk. And when a man loves a man, I imagine information technology feels much the aforementioned. Or when a woman loves a adult female. Or when a gender nonconforming person loves a gender nonconforming person.)
Regardless of the depth of commitment, living state of affairs, or combination of genders or sexual orientations, at that place's no i-size-fits-all love solution. Every relationship is a unique snowflake. Variety is the spice of life. Necessity is the mother of invention. There's more i way to skin a cat. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine get downward.
It doesn't matter if it's the right metaphor, equally long equally it's a metaphor. Photograph by Rosmarie Voegtli/Flickr.
Point being: Generalize at your peril, Sledge. And please, seek help! You tin can exercise this! And if yous ever find yourself in a like situation, delight give these people a telephone call.
vi. "All I Wanna Do is Make Love to You," Eye
Honestly, Middle could sing a list of the most popular AllRecipes ("Jaaaamie's Cranberry Spinach Saaaaalad/World's Best Lasaaaaagna/Sour Creeeeeam Cutouts") and it would make me want to bawl my eyes out in the arms of a tall, dark stranger at the end of a pier.
This song is perfect. You should always exist listening to information technology. If y'all're not listening to it at present, smack yourself in the face and Google information technology. It's just that of import.
I am singing the telephone volume. You are weeping like a tiny baby. Photo by FatCat125/Wikimedia Commons.
And then much passion. Then much hurting. And then much hair.
Here'south why it sounds romantic:
Over pounding drums and a soaring melody, Heart sisters Nancy and Ann Wilson deliver a central tribute to the one true romantic fantasy shared by every living existence on Earth: picking up an unnervingly bonny homo for one night of mind-blowing sex and then releasing him dorsum into the wild to os — but never quite as compellingly always once again.
They sing:
It was a rainy night when he came into sight
Standing past the road, no umbrella, no coat
And then I pulled upward aslope and I offered him a ride
He accepted with a smiling so we collection for a while
I don't accept to get on because you know what happens next, and it'south awesome.
"I just sit down in this cabin. Counting the days since. Counting ... the ... days." Photo by Rene Asmussen/Pexels.
At present, here's why this song is not romantic at all:
The relationship in "All I Wanna Practice" seems as well good to be true. And it is. Because it'south not an every bit loving ,or fifty-fifty equally lusty, pairing at all.
Information technology's a...
It'southward a...
Well. You know what it is:
Good at recognizing no-win situations and delicious with lemon?! Photo by Pikawil/Flickr.
For a while, things are bustling along just fine, like any wholesome, illicit, anonymous affair should:
I didn't inquire him his name, this lonely boy in the pelting
Fate, tell me it'due south right, is this love at beginning sight?
Sure, many of us might hesitate to pick upward a strange leather-jacket-clad human being standing on the side of the route for a no-strings-attached spiral, but our narrator but has a feeling about this guy, and sometimes, you gotta become with your gut.
I tin respect that.
We made magic that nighttime
He did everything right
Great! Seems similar it was a adept decision. Bonking the hitchhiker is payin' off large time.
Just and then, without warning, the vocal starts to sound less like an all-time great romance and more than like a story men's rights activists tell each other as they vape around a campfire:
I told him "I am the blossom, you are the seed
We walked in the garden, we planted a tree
Don't try to find me, delight don't you cartel
Only live in my memory, you'll e'er exist there"
I'm not a poet. Symbolic language often eludes me. Just unless "flower," "seed," "garden," and "tree," all of a sudden mean wildly different things in the context of human reproduction than they have since sex was kickoff invented in the early on-1970s, we're talking about a surprise, non-mutually-consensual pregnancy!
HELLO! Photo by Avsar Aras/Wikimedia Eatables.
Of form, metaphors are opaque, interpretations vary, etc., etc., etc. Y'all might be tempted to think, "Maybe Center meant something else by that."
To that I say, no, they definitely meant it:
And then it happened one day
We came round the same manner
You can imagine his surprise
When he saw his ain eyes
In that location are two possibilities hither.
Ane: The narrator of the song is recently-deceased Jerry Orbach from this creepy New York City subway ad from nine years ago:
Photo by eyedonation.org.
Or two: She totally conned a dude into whipping up a baby on the sly.
I said, "Please, please sympathize
Ah, sure. Yeah. No worries.
I'yard in dear with another man
Cool, so this all makes sense and is in no way the nightmarish scheme of a deranged sociopath who has now wrecked not 1 just two lives.
And what he couldn't give me, oh, no
Was the 1 little thing that you lot can"
A HUMAN LIFE! A REAL SENTIENT HUMAN LIFE THAT IS NOT INCIDENTAL TO ALL OF THIS!
The best y'all can say about that is that it'due south non technically illegal, and that leather-jacket homo probably should have been responsible for his ain nativity control. Or, at the very to the lowest degree, asked more questions .
But ... information technology's not cute. It's not romantic (fifty-fifty the Wilson sisters themselves agree).
And at the end of the solar day, the shadiest character in this song is somehow non the rain-soaked hitchhiker wandering to nowhere in the night.
Which... is saying something.
But there is a beloved song that is truly, madly, deeply perfect. An unassailable track in a sea of problematic faves.
A song that does everything correct.
A vocal that paints a portrait of a good for you partnership built to last.
A song that can double as a manual for the ideal human romantic human relationship.
And that song is...
"Candy Shop," by 50 Cent, featuring Olivia
Hither's why you might exist — OK, almost definitely are — skeptical:
fifty Cent (L) and that guy. You know, that guy? That guy! Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images.
As tricky as "Candy Shop" is, equally fun it is to trip the light fantastic to, and as cathartic as it tin exist to scream in the middle of a crowded fraternity firm at 2 a.m., there'due south no getting around the fact that the song begins like this:
I'll have you to the candy shop
I'll let you lick the lollipop
I'll mail service that once again, in case you missed some of the nuance:
I'll take y'all to the candy shop
I'll let you lick the lollipop
Way to have one for the team, narrator of "Processed Shop"!
At first glance, "Candy Store" is nobody's thought of a classic love song.
The lyrics are ... unusually forward. The crush is kinda basic. The claw is like the music they play when Abu Nazir sidles scarily by in "Homeland."
OooooOOOOoooooOOOo. GIF from "Homeland."
It doesn't get played much anymore. When it does resurface, information technology feels ... kinda dated. Like watching that DVD of "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" on your new Xbox 360.
It's non a song y'all'd put on a mixtape for your crush. Information technology'southward not a song you'd play for your spouse when the kids are at dwelling with the babysitter and you've got ix hours to tear up the Piscataway Hampton Inn. It'southward certainly not a song you'd include on the video photo montage yous made for your grandparents' silver anniversary.
It'southward just non.
But it should be.
And so hither it is. Here'south why "Candy Shop" by fifty Cent, featuring Olivia, is really the perfect relationship song:
You wanna back that thing up or should I push button up on information technology? Photo by ionasnicolae/Pixabay.
The bass drum hits. The MIDI violins whine. The singer starts filling out his fellatio permission slip. It's only been twenty seconds, and you're already getting ready to hang it up with "Candy Shop."
But then ... over the square thrum and the mewling strings, a phenomenon occurs — in the form of a female phonation joining the rail, cutting through the din like a clarion call.
She sings:
I'll take you to the processed store (yeah)
Male child, one taste of what I got (uh-huh)
I'll have you spendin' all you got (come on)
Keep going 'til you hit the spot, whoa
It's mutual! It's mutual! They're performing oral sex on each other!
Band the bells! Bang the drums! Release the doves!
Go, cunnilingus doves, go! Photo by liz west/Flickr.
fifty Cent himself may non exist the world'due south greatest partner — for case, according to one of his exes, he's done some pretty unforgivable things.
But the narrator of "Processed Shop"? He gets it:
You could have it your style, how do you want information technology?
Rather than just imposing his desires on the person he's with — a la the dude in "God Merely Knows ("I'thou going to invest my entire sense of cocky-worth in y'all!") or the street heckler in "Treasure" ("I'thou going to treat you like a breast total of gold doubloons!") or the sociopath in "All I Wanna Exercise is Brand Love to You," ("I'thou going to trick you into knocking me up!") — the "Processed Shop" guy actually asks his partner what she wants.
Which, in the world of pop music, is good for nigh fifty,000 trillion points.
And where are they going to practise information technology? The hotel? Back of the rental? The beach? The park?
It's any you lot're into
'Crusade consent is sexy!
I ain't finished teaching you 'bout how sprung I got ya
The narrator of "Candy Shop" is certainly ... assertive nearly his desires.
But here'south the key thing: the lady on the receiving terminate of those desires? She's clearly into it. And we know this because she says so.
The lines of consent in "Candy Shop" are bright red, highlighted, and soldered into the weirdly sticky guild floor.
Meanwhile, Robin Thicke is exterior trying to convince the bouncer that his uncle is a lawyer. Photo past Grim23/Wikimedia Eatables.
Girl what we exercise ...
And where we practise ...
The things we exercise ...
Are but betwixt me and you
No matter how nasty they freak, it will be intimate. It will exist private. At that place volition be no revenge porn (the epilogue to "Blurred Lines," to wit, would definitely be a protracted, emotionally devastating lawsuit).
If you be a nympho, I'll exist a nympho
Sexual compatibility is central to the survival of whatsoever relationship, whether years, weeks, or (very maybe in the case of "Processed Store") minutes long.
She may have a loftier sex drive, but dude is graciously offer to accommodate her. What a gentleman! These crazy kids only might go the altitude later all.
And at the finish of the day, what is a relationship simply 2 nymphos, sharing health insurance?
Thanks, Obamacare! Photo by Wonderlane/Flickr.
It's similar it'southward a race who could get undressed quicker
Over again, everybody is having a great time. And, critically, an equally peachy time.
I touch the right spot at the correct fourth dimension
Of course, it wouldn't be a popular/hip-hop hitting without a spot of random braggadocio, only if we're to have him at his word, "Candy Shop" guy is at least as good at "doing everything right" equally the anonymous hitchhiker from "All I Wanna Do is Make Dearest to You" — except without all the creepy surprise baby nonsense.
The "Candy Shop" guy is a keeper. Because he's not a hero or a stranger in the nighttime or a funky, shimmering love god. He's a adept partner.
"Candy Shop" is raunchy. It's dirty. It's not your grandmother's honey vocal.
Simply when y'all strip away the swagger, the back trounce, and the weird strings from "Best of Public Domain Middle Eastern Music 1993," by the end of the song, both people are satisfied. And at the end of the day, isn't that what a good for you relationship is all about?
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Photo by Francois Durand/Getty Images.
So seductive.
Source: https://www.upworthy.com/6-songs-that-seem-romantic-but-arent-and-one-that-seems-like-it-isnt-but-is
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